kavita, 19, london
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#i literally just went WAAAAAAAH and raked my fingers down my face

merlin, typography, lord of the rings, young avengers, emma watson, star wars, the merthurfuckers, supernatural, queer as folk, patrick wolf, avengers, colin morgan, writing, drawing shit

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follow forever | best of 2011





bradangeleyes whispered, "Why are you not okay, what's making you not okay? Are you poor, do you not have enough food to eat, do you not have a nice house to live in, do you not have enough money to spend on things, do you not have the internet? do you not have parent(s) who care that you are alive? you haven't got your own room? A lot of people do not have these things that you have, they are just grateful to be alive, barely. Sorry you feel this way but you seem to have MUCH more than most. Is it not enough?"

I’m actually so offended by this.

Who are you to tell me how I feel?

Who are you to tell me that the way I feel is wrong or not acceptable?

You have absolutely no idea what I’ve been through and am still going through. You don’t know what my family situation has been like for the past 7 years. You don’t know what it’s like to come home. You know what, no I do no have parents who care that I’m alive. Do you know what that feels like? I’ve had to live with my gran who lives miles away because I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m currently living with my next door neighbours because my mother doesn’t give a shit about me. I fucking came back from hospital today after trying to take my own life and she doesn’t want me around. When I was living with my gran there were days when I wouldn’t eat a single thing just so that my gran could eat something because she needed it more than me. I know what it’s like. I would go into school and ask someone if I could have a couple of their crisps because I thought I was going to faint. Now, thankfully, that’s over, I’m giving 80% of my wages to my gran so that she can put the heating on and eat properly so she doesn’t die this winter. I’m living with some very nice people and I have food to eat but it’s not my home. I have nowhere to call home. Last week I was homeless. Chucked out of my house for no good reason by my mum and I had nowhere to go. Excuse me if I’m wrong but I doubt you know what that’s like. Try having an alcoholic drug addict for a father. Try having a psychotic mother who wishes you had died instead of your sister and thinks you’re a failure even though you’ve been accepted to university and reminds you every second of every day.

So don’t you fucking tell me what I can and cannot feel. There are different types of suffering in this world. And fucking hell I am suffering. I’m sure you’re in a nice house somewhere with a loving family but try feeling happy when you have nothing to live for, feel so lonely, so helpless, so useless. Don’t you ever dare and try and compare me to anyone else again.

And yes, I am only barely alive. Barely.



  1. bradangeleyes said: I asked questions, you gave answers, isn’t that cathartic for you? You made a post which I didn’t understand, I’m not telling you how to feel, simply asked. No need to get all angry about it. You’re 18, you can leave home and do what you like.
  2. iquitelikeitthatway said: What the hell?! What the hell gives them the right to say ANYTHING like that? I know we haven’t talked much, but I really love you, and I’m so glad you’re here, and they can just go fuck off. You are an amazing person. I just thought you should know.
  3. carahasmooooooooved said: oh my god i don’t even care that we’ve talked like twice that is such a horrible fucking thing to say jfc i can’t even, people like that make me so fucking angry i don’t even, what do they think gives them right? holy shit i hope you’re okay
  4. universeofimpossibilities said: this is an AWFUL thing to say to anyone. even if you weren’t suffering in the ways that you are, depression is a medical illness and having those things does not help. i’m not good with words of encouragement, but i am so glad you’re still alive.
  5. underconstellations said: wow i’m actually speechless. this person is an asshole and needs to fuck off.
  6. laustrade said: I’m literally restraining myself. I legitimately just gripped the couch. Even if this wasn’t Kavita, nobody should say this sort of thing to ANYONE they don’t know, or at all. Plus, if you know someone’s not okay, why would you *antagonize* them?
  7. emryss said: we don’t really talk a lot, but I respect you so much. this person can fuck off.
  8. loopercalia posted this